birdie and protection work…

Birdie

For as long as I can remember K and I have wanted a dog. Our lives in Seattle were not at all pet friendly. We even had an incident of fish suicide on our hands, and it was probably due to neglect. So even though we have always wanted a dog, we both felt like it would be cruel to have one and keep it pent up for the better part of every day.

Our lives in Zimbabwe had a bit more flexibility and once again we tossed around the idea of getting a dog. We even went as far as visiting the dog pound and picking one or two of them out. But our plans fell through when the funding for our programming changed and we ended up leaving Zimbabwe and coming home for several months.

Now in South Sudan for almost four months, we began to pick up the dog conversation again. (You would think we would have learned by now) K wanted to find a dog once we got back from our first R&R. So now that we have been back nearly two weeks we sprinted forward in our plan. The “plan” was to find a stray dog in the market and make our own little Orphan Annie story. And surprisingly it worked out. K and I were walking in the market one lunch time and we spotted a little scruffy puppy roaming the market, with no one really looking after it. So we inquired about this puppy with the market ladies that were around and through a series of misunderstandings they told us to come back after 5pm to get the puppy because we could not take it now as the mother dog was close by. As you can imagine I did not have a lot of faith that this puppy would still be around after 5pm but we agreed and K planned to circle back to the market after work.

I chose to walk home after work with a college that night, but true to their word the market ladies had this puppy for K when he arrived. And so we now officially have a dog of our very own. However, I had not factored in the fact that a stray dog on the streets, even a puppy in it’s short life would have developed a serious trust issue with people. Dogs are not treated very well here, and a stray dog in the market would probably have been mistreated daily. So when we began to interact with the pup she would scream (I’m serious, I’ve never heard a dog scream before but she totally screams) even before we would touch her. She often would cower and cry as you picked her up and run from anyone she encountered.

That first night of having Birdie I was a little overwhelmed with the project that we had on our hands. But K being the patience and caring guy that he is continued to work with her and give her space yet hold her close on occasion and let her know that she was safe. It was a long first night, we got up often in the night to quiet her cries and calm her hysteria. The next morning we brought her to work and she pretty much just cowered under K’s desk all day long. She wasn’t eating or drinking much. But we did discover that she loved mangos and took it as a small victory.

The weekend began, and K still worked tirelessly with Birdie. By Saturday late morning Birdie was a whole different dog. I would not have believed it if I had not seen it myself. She was acting like a normal puppy. Running and playing with K, chewing on anything she could find, chasing after whatever K found to throw. She was even interacting with other people and loving being touched and snuggled with. It did not take long for her to warm up to her new life. She was as normal as any dog I’ve ever seen. Well mostly. As she began to warm to us and play she began to jump and bite. On everything and everyone. I was not okay with this behavior, but Birdie did not react well with the usual tap on the nose as correction. She became even more aggressive and would respond by biting more and jumping more. We changed our plan of correction and began to use a squirt from a water bottle. It was a magical response. She stopped biting and jumping, but was not aggressive. (She is super smart, but I could be bias.)

After this experience I began thinking about how similar it was to the protection work that Nonviolent Peaceforce (NP) is doing in South Sudan. We are working with communities and individuals that have seen 50 years of war and violence. There are several generations who only know violence and retaliation as a way to solve problems. It is hard to wrap your mind around it, but when your only problem-solving example is fighting and violence then naturally this is the kind of response you will also have. Often in Juba a small fender bender car accident will result in one driver beating the other driver regardless of fault because this is how individuals solve problems. In my mind the worst part of this is that people around these drivers on the street will allow the fighting to continue, no one steps in to help the driver who is getting beaten. This is just normal behavior just as Birdie responding aggressively to being tapped on the nose. For her, this correction was seen as violence and she responded in kind. NP is working to teach other ways of responding to problems. Our work is to be the bystander of that car accident on the street and stand in the way of the fight as well as offer other solutions. We support those who are unarmed and caught in the cycle of violence. We visit water points and farm plots so that women feel safe to go about their daily activities without risk of harm. We train communities to report incidences of violence and provide ways for individuals to protect themselves. It’s a slow process, because unlike Birdie we cannot take people out of their violent situation, we have to work within the current context of continued violence. Unlearning violent behavior will take generations; it will be messy, and often extremely uncomfortable work. It will require a change of behavior and a change of heart, both are extremely hard to accomplish, but both are incredibly amazing to be apart of.

the first three months…

Its amazing to me that K and I have been in Juba for nearly three months. Some days it seems like we have only arrived yesterday and others it feels like we’ve been here for years. I’ve heard it said that a year in Juba is like seven years every where else. I can not argue with this statement. Life is a bit more challenging here, even just getting the basic things can become a long and trying experience. I watch K as he battles to get the supplies and vehicles for our project and I find myself being so proud of him. He works long days, his phone rings constantly, he battles cultural differences left and right, he has to creatively come up with solutions to problems in transportation, and he has a staff of 30+ always knocking on his door asking for things. Its impossible to watch him work and not be proud. But this guy needs a break.

Boys hard at work.

Tomorrow afternoon K and I will board a plane for Greece for our first R&R. WE CAN NOT WAIT. But wait it gets better. Two weeks ago when we were planning this trip we Skyped with my parents and invited them to join us. It was a shot in the dark and before we spoke with my parents both K and I said that it would never happen. My parents love to travel, but we were only giving them two weeks notice and they have alot of responsibility at home as they take care of my Grandparents who live with them and full time jobs and you know… just stuff that life throws at you. But K and I decided to ask cause we love mixing it up. But I would just like to tell you that I’ve got amazing parents who are constantly surprising me. They said yes. So not only do we get to spend the next two weeks in Greece, we also get to be with my parents. I cannot tell you how great it will be to hug my Mom and Dad and spend time with them. I feel like I have been given such an amazing gift I do not even know how to express how thankful I am.

Our goals for the next two weeks are as follows: greek food, hugging parents, greek food, fast internet, sleep, hugging parents, drinking nice greek wine, greek food, seeing beautiful places, and greek food. Should be amazing.

day to day…

I promised a few weeks ago to tell a bit of what we are doing in South Sudan, and also to share what Nonviolent Peaceforce does. Well I meant for this post to come a bit sooner, but K and I have been under the weather a bit. We both have a better understanding of the “Juba Welcome” that most foreigners experience once they settle into life in the city. To be totally honest I did not feel welcomed, it wasmore like there was something very unwelcomed, which had taken up residence in my body. We spent several hours at the local clinic one Sunday night trying to figure out what exactly K had that was causing so much sickness. It was pretty rough, I have not ever seen him quite so sick and felt quite so helpless. After three IVs and a shot in the rump he was a bit better and I took him back to sleep it off. The next morning in the shower K found the Band-Aid on his cheek and asked me where it came from. I chuckled, and told him about the shot. He did not remember half of our clinic visit; probably for the best. I on the other hand remember everything a little too clearly. 

 

We are now on the up and up and I am super glad to be on this side of things. Juba, we are officially welcomed… thank you?

 

Let me start by telling you what Nonviolent Peaceforce (NP) does in South Sudan. We are an organization that works within the Protection Sector of the Emergency and Relief work in South Sudan. You probably heard somewhere that things are rather unstable in South Sudan.  It is true. South Sudan became a country in July of 2009 and has had an up hill battle to establish a government structure and peace. This process takes a long time and is incredibly complicated and often violent. (Watch out here comes a rant) I would love those who say that the US government needs to be reformed and we need a revolution to see what is happening in South Sudan. In a revolution many innocent civilian get caught in the crossfire and become causalities. It is horrible to know how innocent people suffer during this process. Let me clarify that I am not against reformation, and making things better but I would love that the term revolution not be thrown around without knowing the cost. The cost are innocent women and children, who are separated during raids, who have lost their livelihoods because it is not safe for them to work in the fields by themselves, who are raped and those who are murdered. It is an extremely high cost and not one that should be taken lightly. NP works with these civilians, the one whom the risk is so very high providing protection and advocates for stability in these communities. We have programs that provide protective accompaniment, which means that international staff walk or drive with vulnerable individuals to get them to a safe place. We develop local community protection groups to empower each community to protect themselves. We do child protection, which involves family tracing and reuniting children with their families after raids . We do trainings on Gender Based Violence (GBV) to educate communities, men and women on these topics and the services that are provided for them in their community. I have only hit a few of the highlights of our programming, but if you would like more information take a look at our website. We are non-partisan actors in the protection sector; we are here for the vulnerable civilians who are caught in the middle of fighting parties.

 

Okay so on to what we do all day long. Honestly, I should not comment about what K does all day long because I do not know half of what he does. I do know that he is one of the hardest working members of the team, juggling all kinds of information and logistical things. His official title is Operations Manager, which means he over sees all the NP operations in South Sudan. And it is a lot. From tracking cars, to field supplies, to managing staff, to water and food supplies for all field sites. (We have 7 field sites currently, and a few more are in the works) He is a busy man. He is on duty 24/7 all the while putting new policies in place to make the day to dayactivities run smoother.

 

I work as a Programme Officer. (Yes, that is with two M’s) My job is to manage grants that fund our projects. I work closely with the donors that have a presence in Juba and report our activities. I did a bit of this last year and enjoyed it, so I was excited to join the Programming Office in Juba with NP. The first few weeks in Juba I have been reading all the project proposals and getting up to speed on the situation in South Sudan. It is complicated. Isn’t always. But now that I have a bit more understanding I have been involved in writing future project proposals and meeting donors and other actors here in Juba that we coordinate with and work alongside. I am still working to become confident of my role, but I love the challenge it presents and cannot image doing anything else… well there is a Ugandan Bakery job that looks pretty attractive. Who says you cannot have it all?

many thanks…

The last three months have been such a whirl-wind of family, friends, and enjoying all our favorite things from home. We truly were spoiled by family and felt really loved. It’s been a really great time to catch up on life with friends from all over. While we’ve been home we’ve visited five different states, never stayed longer than 10 days in one place, got really good at living out of a bag, baked to our hearts content, celebrated the finalization of our friend’s adoption, lost a lot of card games to my Grandpa, the General, had many many trips to Costco, ate lots of Mexican food, had many late nights and early mornings, and lots of great memories made with K’s Dad before he died. It has been a bitter-sweet time in our lives, but looking back I will remember more of the sweet than the bitter.

I have to thank our many friends who have housed us, loved and supported us over the last three months.

Russell and Emily, thank you so much for listening to us while we felt lost and needed to dream again, we love you both and our hearts are so happy that we were able to share in your adoption. Someday we will raise children together and have weekly meals… get excited for someday.

Neal and Emily, thank you for sharing your home with us, as we were in transition and trying to figure out if Portland is where we wanted to be. The door is still not shut on Portland, its more of a just not now situation. Also thank you Neal for driving hours to come to the funeral… it meant a lot.

Scott and Leia, you guys are so giving and have supported us so much over the last year; more than we could ever ask for. Thank you for letting us land at your house often, and for making us laugh a lot! Leia I will miss you most often… cause being in Africa makes me think of you so very much.

Megan and Dan, the week we spent with you was so fantastic for us. I have always been so thankful for your friendship and so appreciate your love and support. You both are so great for joining us at a random hotel in D.C. for the night. It was the best way to say goodbye to the states. We love you and your family so very much. Some day it would be great to live in the same part of the world again… just saying.

Josue and Nicole, thank you for spending time with us even when we were falling apart. Every time we have a grilled cheese sandwich we will think of you both. Also we are wicked excited to make plans for our Tanzania adventure this summer.

Ashley, Livy, Beth, Katie, and Polly, girls without you I would not have made it through the rough spots. Thank you for listening to me and encouraging me through the hard places. With friends like you I feel like I could do anything.

George and Dottie, we cannot thank you enough for all that you’ve done for us. Your home has been such a wonderful place of rest for us. Thank you for all the conversations about the future and asking us the hard questions. And don’t worry George, we won’t ask you to be a reference for future jobs. J

K and I have already to dug into our new positions in South Sudan with Non-Violent Peaceforce and are loving every minute of sweating and being without power. We are really excited to be back in Africa, where are hearts are. The last three months have been wonderful to be home, but it has become apparent to both K and I that we are made for the work we are doing right now and we cannot help but go.

And so in the famous words of Dr. Seuss’ “Marvin K Mooney, Will You Please Go Now”:

“The time has come,

The time is now.

Just go, go, go!

I don’t care how…

I said go and go I meant,

The time had come.

So … Marvin went.”

And go we went.

time on my hands…

I have a lot of time on my hands to think while out in the field. Today I went to visit a finished well that took about three hours travel time one way. I listen to a lot of music and even a few books, but my mind wanders a lot. I come up with ideas for music play lists, like only songs with the word fire in them. Or only songs that have a really great bridge. The bridge of a song is always my favorite. Lately, I’ve been using the time to just think about life and the options that are so never ending. Sometimes I can drive myself crazy with all the random thoughts, like today for instance. Here were the highlights:

I thought about 5th grade when we had to learn to play the recorder for music class. We each had to buy a recorder and bring it to music class. I believe you could purchase them through the school for something like $14.00. It was a nice sleek black recorder and everyone had one so it was pretty cool. However, my Mom, lovely woman that she is had saved her recorder from her childhood and insisted that I use it. This idea went over like a led balloon with me in all my 5th grade coolness. But I lost the battle.

 

My Mom’s recorder was white and red like the one on the box. It fluted out at the bottom, very unlike the rest of the cool black recorders that all my classmates were playing. If you notice in the picture the name on the box is Flutaphone. Yep, that’s what my Mom called it, not a recorder. I presented her with  all the facts about how this fine instrument wasn’t a recorder and yet I lost. I “played” the Flutaphone all through music class. I don’t think I was ever on key, or even in the right area of the key. Just a heads up, Flutaphone’s don’t keep well  over the years… just for future reference.

But reliving this story in my head as I drove made me smile. Today I am proud that I “played” the Flutaphone and I am grateful for the experience it gave me. I’m pretty sure it was then that I began to realize that you don’t have to do exactly what everyone else is doing. Its been a huge lesson for me to learn, but I am grateful for it. I remembered this lesson in college when I didn’t know what to study and decided to take some time off and go to Africa for the first time. I remembered this lesson when I came back from Africa and decided I wanted to work internationally. I remember this lesson now as K and I look toward the future and the possibilities. Different can be exactly what you are looking for.

So come on everyone grab your Flutaphones and makes some music.

a year ago…

In the midst of transition I often find it encouraging to look back and reflect on my thoughts and feelings from the last few years. I have kept a journal on and off for most of my life because I find writing my thoughts down therapeutic. But I also really enjoy re-reading my thoughts years later and remembering what it felt like in that moment and learning. Today, I came across something I wrote while visiting some really great friends before we left for Kenya just over a year ago. Its a pretty raw and honest journal entry, so I’m nervous to post it, but I find it necessary to do things that scare me. Could be a sickness I have, but here goes,  my thoughts from August 25, 2011.

August 25, 2012  - I went for a walk tonight because I was feeling stir crazy. I get that feeling quite often and feel like I either need to go for a walk and pray or sit and read my Bible. I feel like I’m searching for calm in during this transition. I’ve talked about moving to Africa for years now. I dream about it and long to do something useful with my life. I want to know that my choices in life made a difference for someone. If I’m totally honest I would like to my life choices to make a large difference in a lot of people’s lives. When people hear what Kris and I are planning to do, I’m often met with comments like “wow that’s so great, you are going to do amazing things.” Or “You are so brave and selfless to go and give of your time.” I don’t know how to respond to most, do I agree with them? Yes, it is great that I’m going and I’m a saint for giving my time and talent to those who have nothing. That feels horrible and not what I feel in my heart at all. Some days I am so pumped to go that I can agree and not feel like I’m getting a pat on the back for my good deeds but be genuine about the work that I am going to be apart of. I can really get excited about clean water and basic health care. But then there are most days, like today where I feel fear and uncertainty and worry about the future and if I’ll feel the calm I’m looking for. This is why I walk. This is why I feel like I need to put one foot in front of the other, because I know that moving forward in the only way for me. Even if I’m scared and feel all the fears and pressures of moving from family and friends, and an independence that I’m really really fond of.

I walk to reconcile the urgency I feel to move across the world to a place I’ve never been, to people I don’t know and can’t speak their language to help in anyway I can. To reconcile the feeling of loss I have for the comforts, relationships, certainties, and stability I have here. All the things I have here make life so easy and comfortable, and boring and claustrophobic. Here, the culture is to settle down, buy houses, have children, buy and sell cars, get jobs, move up the ladder. As I write those things I feel sick inside.  But I have never wanted that. I have always felt there was more out there for me. So moving to Africa seems like the next step right? It’s not quite that easy to explain, but this next step in life has to be an adventure, it has to include the elements of life that I am truly passionate about. I need to feel like what I’m doing is for the bigger picture. And yet I’m walking tonight because I am afraid.

I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid that when we go to Kenya that I will discover that I’m not content doing development work, which is what I’ve gone to school for and focused the last 7 years of my life on doing. I’m afraid that I’ve pushed my husband to move across the world to a place where he will literally melt in the heat to do work that he may only be interested in because of me. I’m afraid for the strain that this move will put on my marriage. I’m afraid I won’t have anything to give to my husband after serving those who have nothing. I’m afraid of letting my passion for clean water and health care will dominate my life and my husband will feel second place in my heart. I’m afraid that he will be second place in my heart. I’m afraid of hurting him. I’m afraid of finding that this goal and passion is not what will be my life’s work and starting from square one again. I’m afraid of that feeling lost in life and not knowing what direction to head in. The fear in this transition is almost debilitating, and yet I can’t even imagine not going. I can’t even think about the “what ifs” of staying here. So I walk, one foot in front of the other. Moving closer and closer to stepping onto the plane that will take Kris and I to Kenya.
I feel lonely in this place. I’m lost in my thoughts about the future and my fears. I wrestle with the idea that I can’t give enough love. It seems silly once it’s written down but in my heart I feel like I could be the type of person that is not able to freely give love. I know that because I marvel and can’t seem to wrap my mind around the idea that God has so freely loved and keeps loving me, while truly knowing who I am and what I am capable of doing. It doesn’t make sense to me. And yet I want nothing more than to love like God loves. How does that happen? I long for that change in me. And my biggest fear is that I don’t have a large enough capacity to love those I am passionate to serve.

 

 

baking solves all problems…

Well except maybe weigh gain, but come on being chubby around the edges just means you are happy. Right?! Well that’s what I tell myself. This last month I’ve been working hard to get my little well rehabilitation project up and running. And for the most part things have been running smoothly. The materials have been delivered and well locations have been selected.

 

The plan is to rehabilitated 7 existing wells that have fallen into some state of disrepair. We are providing the new pump materials and working together with the District Development Fund (DDF) a local government program who  will provide the labor and expertise to repair the wells.

 

Many of the wells are over 60 meters deep and the length of the pipes that will be replaced are each 3 meters long. So when you do the math… like me all month long (because the plan has changed several times, not due to my poor math skills) you have to order 139 pipes. And when you replace pipes you also replace the rods inside. So that’s also an order of 139 rods.

 

The supply truck that brought all the materials wouldn’t fit in our long drive way, so K led a great team of guys to load up our little trucks and ferry materials from the large truck on the street in front of the house to our garage for temporary storage before it goes out into the field. They worked hard but had a little fun too.

 

The above picture is one of the wells we intend to rehabilitate. As you can see the cement around the well, which protects the water in the well from any kind of harmful element leaking in is in horrible condition. The well still pumps water but only barely. The head of DDF told me he thinks something is disconnected which is making pumping water much harder than is should be. This well is located inside a school yard and is used mostly by school children. They are having to work ridiculously hard to get a small amount of water. We plan to change that.

 

The project was supposed to begin on Tuesday… but there was a flat tire and other complications. And so I went to join the DDF team on Wednesday, but they didn’t show due to other complications. So instead of sitting around and wasting a day we,  my coworker Washington and I worked along side the community gathering stones. Hey, don’t kid yourself its a lot of work. But I had a blast chatting with the wife of the community leader and other community members. The wife of the community leader was quite the woman. She is the one in the blue skirt in the picture above. Her first question for me was to ask me how many children I have. When I said none so far she asked why? Come to find out she has eight children… so yeah she wanted to know why I didn’t even have one.

 

I also taught… or better yet attempted to teach the group of boys who helped collect stones the game Red Light Green Light. Its a good game if you have limited language skills. However, the concept of freezing when I turned around didn’t really work out too well. Most of the boys ran so fast, there was no way to stop in time. So it was like the longest game ever… each time I saw every boy still moving, so they all had to start at the beginning again. But I think they enjoyed it… I loved every minute of it.

And so now I’m hoping the DDF team made it to the first site today. I plan to go out on Friday to assess the progress and or to come up with a plan B. In the mean time I baked… just to keep the stress away and because when working on something that isn’t coming together the way I would have planned I like to bake. I like the satisfaction of finishing something and having the end result turn out well. Its something I started in grad school and I’ve continued it, because it works for me.

 

Of course I needed help eating the goods that I baked, and I’ve got the greatest team to offer up their services.

 

I think the team secretly loves when my projects go a little off track… perhaps I should look into whether these delays aren’t being caused by someone inside my office.

 

Nope, I’ll just keep baking.

 

trying to remember…

The waters on my seas have been a little rough lately. So today I am reminding myself of a few things.

 

I’m currently working on Plan K. There are still lots of letter left.

 

I’m a closet control freak. Learning this lesson will be a life long journey.

 

I promise to be responsible.

 

I want with all my heart to be a good one.

new endings and beginnings…

The winds of change are blowing. (pretty awesome start to the blog post huh) But its true there is some major change for K and I in the next few months. As it turns out we will be ending our time in Zimbabwe at the end of September. The Zimbabwe team is having to down size due to lack of funding, so K and I are moving on to another adventure. What adventure you ask? Well you are in good company because we are asking that very same question. We aren’t quite done with our international living (sorry moms) so we will continue to pursue other jobs beyond the boarders of the US. K and I have loved living abroad and all the challenges that come with it. Some days are rough because I miss family, friends, and Target, but we both know that we are right where we are supposed to be. I’ll keep you posted as I know things, but for now we are living it up in Zimbabwe. And speaking of living it up, two weekends ago we went camping at Victoria Falls. I used the term camping loosely because we slept in beds, but the beds were in a tent, so it counts. The falls were absolutely amazing and well worth the trip. We went with our colleague who is an amazing photographer and she captured some really great ones of us. I promise we aren’t posing, we just really like each other.   We also went on a sunset river cruise on the Zambezi. K kept calling it the booze cruise, but it was really amazing. We gently cruised down the river and saw amazing wild life. The Hippos were my favorite. And then the next morning we got up and had coffee and this really beautiful hotel that is up on a hill over looking a waterhole in the bush. Elephants often wander through to get a drink. Well we didn’t see any elephants but we did have a special guest join us for coffee. Monkeys are totally unpredictable and often dangerously aggressive. So we were all a little taken back that this mother and baby monkey got so close. And mother monkeys are the worst because they will do anything to protect their baby… but we gave her a little distance and control of the sugar jar and it all turned out okay.

 

It was a really great weekend and I’m so glad we were able to visit while we are still in Zimbabwe. Its crazy here but we are loving every minute of it.

moments of inspiration…

I get in these moods. Moods of inspiration to create something. One of these moods came upon me on Sunday as we sat in the “Wovles” cafe in Joburg on our last day of our visa trip.  I was looking up different blogs and catching up on all my interwebs work. (Don’t kid yourself it’s alot of work keeping up with the interwebs.) And I stumbled on several pictures of watercolor paintings that really got me excited to pick up my paint brushes that I brought from home.

This picture of blue watercolors is what started the whole inspiration. How can you not want to play around with different colors after taking a look a the beautiful blues in that picture.

Oh how I love art that started as a mess. I plan on making lots of messes in the days to come.

And finally my hope is to create something close to these watercolor flowers. Are they not so amazing? Don’t worry I stocked up on painting supplies in Joburg. Happy painting!

We are back in Zimbabwe, STILL waiting to find out about funding… but we are still hopeful. (Secretly, I don’t think we will ever know… its my punishment for something I did  in my childhood.) We are back in good health and marveling at how we are half way through the year and will be back in the states for Christmas in a mere six months. (Should I start my paper chain yet?)